THIS IS BOTH BORING AND RIDICULOUS AND UGH I ANNOY MYSELF TOO SO GO AHEAD AND SKIP RIGHT OVER IT
Not counting that one time right after she was born and I needed to run to the store and my mom watched her while she was sleeping, today is going be the first time someone else will watch Bug while we do A Thing.
I imagine even without anxiety, it might be hard for some parents to do this for the first time?, but right now I am dealing with straight up unmedicated anxiety so I am running through every single possibility that might occur and trying to come up with a plan for it, and I know it’s ridiculous and that I should stop, and I know that I need to relax but it’s not happening.
Also, I really need to get ready right now but UGH getting ready is so haaaaaaard.
Things, in bullets, just because
- My mom is in the hospital. She went in yesterday after getting a CT scan for Serious Business abdominal cramping and they thought it might be a nasty case of diverticulitis so they checked her in. The plan was to observe overnight, see if she needed surgery and, if not, send her home. They don’t need to do surgery, but her blood pressure dropped pretty low last night (like 70-something/??) so they are keeping her there until that’s not a problem anymore.
- I met an old friend for lunch. I hadn’t seen her in 2 - 3 years, so that was pretty awesome.
- My sister found out yesterday that she has Lyme Disease. Hopefully catching it in the first month will help her avoid any of the major effects from that?
- I really like my husband. I love him too, but I just really like him right now, you know?
- I made Thanksgiving meatballs for dinner. I left out the cranberries and I probably shouldn’t have done that because they needed that little something else. They were still pretty good though.
Today felt like the longest day ever, probably because Bug woke up for the day at 5 a.m. and didn’t get (long) enough naps and this morning was pretty go go go and then I had the caffeine buzz from hell this afternoon, but I made this for dinner and god, it was delicious.
Also, I would kiss a bear for a glass of wine right now but there is none to be had. Unless I drink some of the Madeira. And, honestly, I just might.
I was going to post about the big thing of figs I got today at Trader Joe’s but I kept typing gifs instead of figs so I gave up and ate the figs instead of posting about them.
So I’ve been walking a lot over the past month and a half and I really didn’t realize how much I had started to really like doing it until this week when I had a cyst removed from a *~*delicate*~* spot and the doctor said I can’t do it until I go back for my follow-up on the 8th.
I’ve been in such a funk for the past two months. I’m so ready for it to end.
I am using gifs because I cannot use my words at the moment
I’m in such a weird headspace right now. Actually, for the past few months. I don’t like it. I think it’s because I’m being forced to develop coping mechanisms (healthier ones, at least, as opposed to wine and cigarettes) for the first time in years. And there are some whack-ass hormones involved. Plus, there has been so much change in my life lately.
Honestly, it’s annoying.
I am annoying myself to death.
I have feelings about Romney. I’m horrible at taking all of my jumbled thoughts and feelings and putting them into coherent sentences, so I will just say that he seems SO OUT OF TOUCH with regular people and how they live that I just don’t even know how anyone could vote for him.
And we reach the point in the day where I have to activate the StayFocusd to keep me off Tumblr. You know, because work needs to get done and stuff.
I decided that instead of starting any resolutions I have for this year at the beginning of the year, I’m just going to wait until my birthday. It seems like it’s going to make it more about me and good choices, and honestly, I just want a little more time to indulge in some of my vices.
Shitty stuff about today (technically yesterday, but whatever…)
- I have discovered that FB arguments with Tea Party people irritate the fuck out of me, even if I’m not the one arguing or even involved. Especially when you call Obama Osama. No fucking bueno, man. That’s just provoking for the sake of being an asshole and, honestly, you look like a big fucking idiot when you say that.
- My best friend and I went to see One Day. I really don’t have words for this movie. It didn’t irritate me in a feminist-y way because, honestly, I go to movies for pure whatever I need pleasure and that’s pretty much it. It was based on a book, and while I haven’t read said book, the internet says it’s pretty much true to the book. I don’t have an issue with this. Still… it made me feel things that I don’t want to feel, and it can fuck off solely for that reason alone.
- There was an airshow here in KC this weekend. One of the planes crashed and the pilot died. I feel bad for his family and also for the people that had to see it happen. Seeing someone die is a weird thing and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, not even my worst enemy.
That pretty much sums up today’s whateverness.
However, there was good stuff too, and I think I’m going to hold onto that because the good outweighs the bad. So there’s that.
I knew they were coming in for the weekend, but I wasn’t expecting them until tomorrow night. We were supposed to go out with them Friday and Saturday night, and I was already feeling kind of meh about that because it’s my MIL’s birthday tomorrow, and since my FIL and his wife are going to be in town, and since the MIL/FIL don’t get along AT ALL, my MIL gets the shaft on her birthday.
They came in today. And now I’m supposed to go out to dinner with them tonight too. Tonight, tomorrow night and Saturday night. All spent with my in-laws.
Also, I told my husband that I couldn’t get there until 7:30 tonight, and they still made the reservation for 7 p.m. Really? You couldn’t wait that extra 1/2 hour? Unless my husband didn’t tell them that, which is extremely likely, so I don’t even know who to be irritated with.
Whateva. I can’t bitch too much. I’m totally showing up at 7:30 and getting my fucking nom on at Kona Grill. Then I’m going to do the same at Lidia’s and then Fogo de Chao for the rest of the weekend.
It’s gonna be a food extravaganza!!!!
Why is it so hard for me to say no to my parents?
I just did it and now I’m feeling Guilty (with a capital G), largely because I probably could do what they wanted, but not without major inconvenience on my end. At the same time, I’m really irritated with myself that, as a grown-up, I can’t just say no to them without feeling the Guilt. And the worst part is that they probably aren’t even giving it a second thought, so I’m totally obsessing over nothing.
/neurotic emotional purge from the oldest child who obviously has issues with being overly responsible.