And honestly, my family is great 97.5% of the time and I love these buttheads and they fucking love and adore me, but for the past few years, we’ve been having some growing pains because they don’t understand that what they see as my boundary baseline was me trying so hard to be sensitive to everyone’s needs and agonizing over every single tiny little thing to make everyone else happy, and that lately it’s coming at the expense of my happiness. But I don’t know how to tell them that without it becoming A Big Thing.
So here we are
There is probably no good way to tell my family that they are a large part of the reason I hate Christmas, right? Nope, nope, nope. No good way at all.
Good things about today
- I didn’t step in any glass while cleaning up the brand new glass bottle of milk I dropped and broke on the kitchen floor.
- I got Bug a $70 chair (why would a kid’s chair ever cost that much????) for $11 at Toys R Us and I cannot for the life of me figure out why because as far as I know, nothing is wrong with it. Maybe it’s a discontinued one? I don’t know. Bug LOVES it.
Today started off with a flu shot for the kid and pretty much went downhill from there*, ending with me sobbing about how Christmas is the worst and how everything about it just sucks the fucking life out of me. And then I looked at my period tracker and it’s all clear.
Hey there PMS.
*In Bug’s defense, she had nothing to do with any of the crappiness. How I ended up with such a happy, easygoing baby, I will never understand.
I probably should have told my mom to come over at 9 am instead of 1:15 today so we would have ample time to go over all the stupid little things in my brain.
THIS IS BOTH BORING AND RIDICULOUS AND UGH I ANNOY MYSELF TOO SO GO AHEAD AND SKIP RIGHT OVER IT
Not counting that one time right after she was born and I needed to run to the store and my mom watched her while she was sleeping, today is going be the first time someone else will watch Bug while we do A Thing.
I imagine even without anxiety, it might be hard for some parents to do this for the first time?, but right now I am dealing with straight up unmedicated anxiety so I am running through every single possibility that might occur and trying to come up with a plan for it, and I know it’s ridiculous and that I should stop, and I know that I need to relax but it’s not happening.
Also, I really need to get ready right now but UGH getting ready is so haaaaaaard.
I’m trying to decide what to wear to the soccer game this afternoon because it’s outside and the high today is 19* but I know it’s not even going to be that warm because the sun will be down by the time the game is over. I mean, I know what to wear but I need to figure out how to layer it up without becoming Randy in A Christmas Story, you know?
I need to be able to sit down and also fit in the seat.
Also, D keeps talking to me like I’m 8 years old and don’t know how to dress myself. Shut up, dude. At this point, even if I’m about to lose my fingers to frostbite, I’m not going to say a word.
The Lip Tar
I’m so glad I went and tried it on instead of saying fuck it all and buying it on the internet because:
- I love the idea of colors like Black Dahlia but I am always disappointed when I see them on me. I’m sure it will always let me down, but I will never give up on this color. Someday I will find the perfect one.
- The red might have been the perfect red for my face. And then I smiled and my god, my teeth. I need to get them whitened about 10 shades.
- LIP WRINKLES. OLD LADY. GAH.
- Granted, I had to do it with my fingers because sample but, good god, nobody should let me near anything like that again. It was as if an actual monkey applied it to my lips. And face. And teeth. And tongue. I’m sure they loved me standing there in their store looking like a 5 year old that got into mom’s makeup. And then I had to do samples of foundation because it stained my face.
So I bought a $5 lipstick that also looked like shit (but maybe I can mix it with chapstick and use it as blushy stuff or something?) and left.